The Wonderful Part of the Mess That We've Made
by thxndergirl
Summary: Love has never been all that kind to Chase.


**hey readers, i'm back with another lab rats/elite force fic. this is, once again, chase-centric, with chase x kaz as the endgame. there are other ships though, including chase x danielle, chase x a minor oc, chase x sabrina, and chase x sebastian. rated t for mild swearing (and i'm paranoid) and ft. bisexual chase.**

 **oh, and can you tell i like bastille-inspired titles? this one's from** ** _flaws_** **.**

 **enjoy! :)**

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 _1._

Danielle is the first girl to give him a second glance. She's pretty and blonde and perfect, and he makes a complete fool out of himself in front of her.

 _It wouldn't have worked out anyway_ , he reminds himself. She's got that cheerleader smile and those perfect curls, and he's so hopelessly _himself_. He knew that going in.

And besides, he'll get his chance.

(At least, he hopes so.)

 _2._

Connor has blue streaks in his hair and a rebellious smile. He's funny and cocky and exactly the kind of guy Chase knows he's supposed to stay away from, and so naturally he falls hard.

They start out as competitors. Fighting to answer the question first in Calculus, arguing over who got the right answers on the Chemistry assignment, intellectual rivals at every turn. He hates Connor, he decides quickly, hates this boy and his stormy grey eyes and his brilliant mind and the way he makes his heart skip a beat.

(He hates it more when he sees Connor in the hallway with a girl, their fingers intertwined and looking at each other like they're the world. He hates that with all of his heart.)

 _3._

Adam tells him Sabrina's out of his league, and Chase knows he's right.

Still, she's funny and beautiful and impossibly smart, and she laughs at his jokes and wears her heart on her sleeve and best of all, she likes him too.

And _this is it_ , he thinks stupidly, naively, dreaming he has a chance with her. Like maybe his siblings have been wrong this whole time, maybe he's not as bad at love as everything seems to tell him.

She wants more than just the chemistry project, and his heart soars.

That is, until his vision turns red and he loses it all, until someone else takes control of his body and everything seems to go haywire at the same time. And then his chances are gone.

So is she.

It's his brother's fault, he keeps reminding himself, and the fault of his _stupid_ glitch. If it hadn't been for Adam, for Spike—

But he wonders whether it would've ever worked out, anyway.

 _4._

He starts to think that maybe it's just not in his wiring. Like maybe his coding has no room for this chemical reaction, no room for thinking with his heart when his brain is so controlling.

Maybe it's because he really is more computer than human after all.

And then he meets Sebastian.

Infuriating, arrogant Sebastian. Sebastian, who gets on every single one of his nerves, Sebastian, who challenges everything he says, Sebastian, who makes his heart beat faster than he thought possible.

He falls quickly and hard and helplessly, but part of him thinks it isn't such a bad feeling anyway.

They're sitting on the rooftop one night, the stars above them and the sea below, the soft lapping of waves against the beach filling the air as they talk. They come up here sometimes, after curfew, after the academy has gone quiet. It's just them and the world, and it's perfect.

Sebastian laughs at something he says, and Chase thinks about how his hair looks in the moonlight, about how beautiful this boy is, drawn in charcoal and ambition and lightning, and then Sebastian is kissing him. He's never been kissed before, and his heart spikes and it all comes in a hot rush and it's beautiful and perfect.

And then it's not.

Sebastian takes his skilled fingers and weaves him a tapestry of lies, Sebastian wraps him around his finger, manipulates him, hurts him, but for once Chase can't blame anyone but himself.

 _You told me you loved me,_ he says.

Sebastian laughs. _Oh, Chase. You're supposed to be smarter than that._

He's right.

He should've known.

God, he should've _known._

 _5._

Chase meets Kaz and he's scared.

No, he's terrified.

Kaz is funny and bright and smarter than he knows and hopelessly weird. Kaz is fire and adrenaline and reckless laughter. And all Chase can focus on is forgetting him.

He's not _supposed_ to fall, he keeps reminding himself, he can't do this again.

His heart entertains the thoughts of Kaz, Kaz's smile, Kaz's stupid laugh. His mind pushes those thoughts away.

 _He can't do this again._

 _6._

Reese is so easy.

She calls him cute and they talk for hours, about sci-fi films and physics and being outsiders and it seems like something out of a cheesy romance flick. But it's just so wonderfully _simple_ that Chase finds himself slipping.

For once, it doesn't feel like a complex puzzle he has to solve. He doesn't need to be bionic, or a superhero, or anything, he can just be himself, and she laughs anyway and he's lonely and desperate to feel something and he _needs_ her.

And she uses him.

He's so _stupid._

He can't even say he's heartbroken—they'd only just met. He feels nothing for her but remorse and burning shame.

He keeps falling for this same trap, over and over again. He's supposed to be the smartest man in the world, he's supposed to _learn_ , damn it, and yet he's manipulated so, so easily.

And people keep getting hurt.

He's just so _stupid._

 _7._

He's alone, outside. The sky is an inky blue, the wind cold and he can't bring himself to care. He just sits there on the ledge, letting his mind run fast with every bleak, hopeless thought it can come up with, letting the darkness run marathons around his skull.

It's like his own personal hell, out here in the empty night.

Then there's someone else standing next to him. He doesn't have to look up to know who it is; he's spent so long memorizing the rise and fall of his breathing, the steady rhythm of his heartbeat.

Kaz asks if he's okay.

He doesn't know how to respond, and he's so _sick_ of lies, so he just shakes his head. Silent. The superhero sits next to him, leaning back on his palms and staring at the stars.

"It's not your fault, you know," he says softly.

Chase swallows the lump in his throat. "That's a lie and you know it."

"There was no way you could've known. You can't blame yourself—"

"It just keeps _happening_ ," he says, and his voice breaks. Kaz looks at him, eyes urging an explanation, and it all comes spilling out very suddenly, how Sebastian was his first kiss, his first heartbreak. How badly he screwed up. How he can't _stop_ screwing up.

He's crying by the end of it, hot, stinging tears refusing to be held back any more and spilling down his cheeks.

"I should've _known,"_ he says hollowly. "I should've...I should've realized that there was no way-"

"Stop," Kaz breathes, taking his hands slowly, carefully, and he feels goosebumps crawl up his arms. "Chase, listen to me. You made a mistake. Yeah, you messed up, but everyone does sometimes. If I could count the number of times I've ruined something-" they share a short laugh. "My point is, you're allowed to mess up sometimes. You-you're allowed to fall in love. You might be bionic, but _you're still human._ "

He looks at him, this boy made of fire and adrenaline and reckless laughter, and he feels something swell in his chest, and suddenly they're so close, breaths mingling in the cold night air. "Sometimes I'm not sure I know how to be," he says quietly.

"Let me show you."

Then they're kissing, and it's as if every one of Chase's nerve endings has been struck like a match. It's as if every atom in the universe lines up right then, and his mind goes into overdrive for just a second, but for once it's not running with formulas and words and numbers. It's just this wild, wonderful feeling. He's kissing Kaz, Kaz of fire and adrenaline and reckless laughter and he hopes with all of his heart that this isn't another trick.

Because in that moment, the stars are so much more than burning balls of gas a million miles away, and the world is so much more than a collection of atoms and elements, and he is so, _so_ much more than just a boy and a computer chip.

He's human.

(He's human, and this is what it feels like to be in love.)

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 **thanks for reading! reviews are appreciated. :)**


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